A part of healthy masculinity is to not be needy.
He hammers the idea that the society we live in the modern world tries position itself / to market itself to convince us that we need them, and they use various tools and techniques to make it appear so.
He also emphasizes the idea of over consumerism of the modern society. Many people are in an unfulfilling job nowadays because they NEED that job, because they NEED that paycheck, because they need to make that truck payment that they do desperately NEEDED and they desperately NEEDED the newest gadgets and iPhone.
He emphasizes that all is a chain that leads to another need and another need and another need and so on. He emphasizes that we don’t actually NEED many of the things we think that we need.
About people and relationships.
Hes been married for 32 years and his wife’s biggest struggle is the sense she has that he doesn’t need her.
Then he clarifies…
“I never had needed her, but I’ve always WANTED her.”
If I need you in this relationship, then you are all about me. Your whole existence is about me and that’s complete selfishness. That’s not love.
It’s not healthy to obsessively cling to your spouse. It’s not emotionally healthy to obsessively need your spouse. Yes, in a relationship it’s normal for both parties to be emotionally involved, but not to the extend that it becomes obsessive neediness; that you can’t live without her.
If you need them that much, then you are staying in the relationship for what you can get out of it. “comfort, validation, soothing a wound, not facing your demons”.
Then he goes back to talking about consumerism and how you should scale down your needs “he reverses the chain links so he can reevaluate the needs and trim excess”.
He talks about how he doesn’t need people or friendships. He’s not opposed to friendships or people, he has A friend, they only talk two or three times a year, but if he calls and says “Dewey, I need a kidney, then he’s getting on the next airplane. Hell, he can have both kidneys if he needs them.
That’s real friendships. You look out for each other and you are there for the other if he needs something.
He continues to talk about how in life we shouldn’t cling or need anything. He has his YT channel and he’s profiting, but he doesn’t neec it. He has his ranch that he values, but he doesn’t need it.
It sounds like he’s reflecting on the idea of being outcome agnostic. Do the things you want and like, but don’t cling to a specific result or a specific outcome. Have things in life that you love and value, but don’g cling to them.
Why not cling? Because of life’s impermanence “Buddhism”. Nothing in life is permanent and everything can and will end at some point.
Why not cling to people? Because of impermanence, but also because it leads to suffering, and also because there is no guaranteed outcome, and people lie, cheat, and manipulate, and they are also dishonest, insincere and disloyal. There are many bad people in our world unfortunately.
You shouldn’t cling even to good people, because of impermanence and knowing that all that has a beginning also has an end, but also because of respect for the other person’s way of being and individuality. No one likes to be smothered even with good feelings. Too much good can also be bad. Everything in moderation.
Don’t over invest in people unless its mutual “reciprocity” and even then be wise about it and don’t go all in too early.
The greater your investment is the greater the pain when all collapses “house build with straws, glass house”. Plainly, when you realize that you were deceived, lied to, and manipulated.
The ability to shrug and walk away is a man’s greatest ability; it’s a superpower.
It doesn’t mean you walk away without regret.
It doesn’t mean that it’s easy.
It doesn’t mean you walk away without pain or deep sadness.
Its not a lack of emotions or a lack of care. Some situations require you to walk away, and it can hurt, but you don’t have the need to not feel hurt, to not feel the pain… etc.
We don’t look to get hurt, and we don’t want to get hurt, and we prefer to not get hurt, and we don’t go hoping that we’ll get hurt… we just don’t have the need to avoid it and we know that we can handle whatever hurt comes our way.
Why we need to be not needy? Because it gives us freedom, but…
The other perspective…
We also shouldn’t become self-centered narcissists and live life for yourself only.
Love and compassion.
There are people around you that are needy “I think he means that we all experience life differently and we are not all capable to always be strong and sometimes we struggle and become needy and we need a bit more attention and compassion”
We are all only humans and we are all in the same boat “so to speak”.
Natural masculinity is to protect and serve.
We’ll take care of them first because they can’t take care of themselves, they are in need, they need us, and only then we will take care of ourselves because we are not needy.
We’ll take care of them first because we are not narcissistic, self-centered and we are not living only for us!
How is it that we become masculine without becoming toxic?
We quietly self-assuredly take care of ourselves and we humbly graciously gently take care of those around us who need to be taken care of.
And if you can find that balance and get around that, you’ll be ahead of most.
As God commands:
Help the needy and to help each other.
That made me think of the following:
Jesus replied: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.”
This is the first and greatest commandment.
And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
In the Bible, the word “neighbor” doesn’t just mean the person who lives next door. It means any human being — anyone you encounter, especially those in need.